Vote for Kerry!

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We here at Ask Dr.Cyberlove are dedicated to finding an answer to every problem, whether it's the right answer to the wrong problem or the wrong answer to the right problem, or even an incoherent answer to an unrelated problem. No question is too hard, and no answer is too easy; no problem is too small, and no fee is too large. Here are some of the questions we've been asked (and answered) recently:

Dr. CyberLove, my girlfriend just broke up with me by sending me an e-mail telling me that she never wants to see me again. Do I have to return all the GIFs she gave me?

No, and it's generally considered to be in poor taste for you to sign her up for every get-rich-quick and body-enhancement scheme on the Internet. Shame on you for even thinking such a thing!

Dear Doctor CyberLove, I have been in Adult chatrooms in Yahoo and people have asked me "do you wanna have cybersex." I don't know what to do during CyberSex. Can you give me some advice, 'cause I'm interested in it.

Dr. Cyberlove thinks the answer is in the very meaning of the word. The root of Cyber is the Greek word Kybern, which means "to steer." A Kybernet is a helmsman, or one who steers. The meaning of sex, of course, is universally known. So CyberSex is, literally, the act of having sex with a steering wheel. Somehow, unless the steering wheel is of unusual design, this does not seem like much fun. If you're wondering about my name, it is best translated as "The Helmsman of Love."

I think you gave horrible horrible advice to the girl who's going to send 5,000 dollars to the man that asked her to marry him. Can't you see he's probably trying to scam her? If you were any good at giving advice you would see that. I think people should band you from the internet and your bad advice.

Dr. Cyberlove agrees with you and is eagerly awaiting the band of which you speak.

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